I envy every single person in a relationship, I realize you probably are not in this perfect relationship, I realize you might even be fighting with your special someone right now. But deep down, you love them (and if you don’t, then I'm not talking to you). You have that one person at the end of the day to just talk to, that one person that makes you smile, that one person that gives you security, even if you don’t get to see them daily, or even weekly, you still get to see this person that is totally smitten with you, and a person you are totally giggles over as well.

I crave that feeling so much, that feeling of love. I want someone to hold me, to just care for me, someone that I love (or even like) back. But I can’t get that, I get the people to like me that I just don’t like, or I get the person I like to like me but there’s this one little thing in the way, always. Let it be, their friends, their (well technically my) age, or the fact that they’re over 4 states away. There’s always something, I just want to be loved by someone that I want the love from, I mean that is me being mean towards the people that like me but I don’t like back, but I do have reasons for why I don’t like you.

I’ve been single for over a year now, which is honestly a record for me. I'm one of those people that are never out of relationships. I’m the girl that gets broken up with but has a b/f within a month from that breakup. Not because I'm a whore, trust me, I'm not! But because I'm clingy, and addicted to having someone there, I always need this security blanket.

And I honestly have known this for a long time, and that’s why I keep going back to my ex, to not technically ‘date’ but to have someone totally in love with me that I at one point loved and to have them as a blanket, which is wrong so that’s why I totally and completely cut him off, and now I'm going even more insane daily. I cant even log onto MySpace without seeing at least one of my friends in a picture with their b/f or their stats is a/b how happy they are and I have to hold back tears every time I do, because I crave your happiness, even if you’re constantly fighting with that person, at least you have someone to fight with…all I have are my pillow’s and my kitchen supplies…